A Hero in Oblivion

Today is June 20, 2009. Indicating that am already 30 years, 9 months and 10 days old to be exact.

Some people i know believe that i already have accomplished a lot and have gone so far in life. They even say that i have amazingly overcome most of life's battle.

They call me names like "Super Woman", the "Ever Strong", the"Best Ate" and the "Best Mentor", the "Responsible Child", at school then they called me "the Brightest", young people and some of my staff call me the "All-knowing Ms.Jhan", my Sir sees me as the"Solution Finder", my Ma'am perhaps has been able to convinced herself that I am an "All-able", and my son believes that I am the "Best Mom" in the whole wide world.

With all of those, I can say that yes i have been successful...not in anything else but in wearing a hero's costume and mask, portraying an invincible personality and hiding her true identity together with her true emotions, covering her scars with colorful outfit as well as her calloused soles and palms with shining leather shoes and gloves.

Being a hero requires you to be everywhere you are needed and to show whichever power is being asked by whatever circumstance. It won't give you even a chance to plan for yourself anything for a day, for who knows how much of your day will be spent in making one out of trouble.

Yet at the end of the day, after every heroic performance, you will have to retreat back to your hiding place and heal every wound you got from the fight while realizing how much you have not done for your self that day.

Spiderman is right, "with great power comes great responsibility". And that responsibility sadly does not include yourself and your benefit.

To this day, from the day my father was lost, i have realized i have made myself a pathetic heroine. LOL. But unlike any other heroes who have had their identities revealed to their loveones and friends, am afraid mine has been totally covered and forgotten.

It seems that all the people around me have become used to seeing me standing still,always active and never tired, composed at the midst of any situation, never runs out of solution and ways of fixing things, and never been bogged down by any frustration.

Somebody said that the greatest power one can have is problem resolution, but i guess such power will only be great if that can also be used to one's self and not only to those of his colleagues.

Yes, i might be a saviour, defender, adviser, counselor, teacher, protector, helper, and perhaps refuge to other people but it does not mean that am already that wise and knowledgeable about life and strong enough to battle and face its challenges alone.

For sometime now, i realized that nobody seems to notice the moments that am ill or feeling sad. That no one even gets to know if am in a middle of solving a difficult and serious problem, nor if i need someone to talk to. Worst, few people even feel surprise to hear that i too, is having problems.

A tragic experience for a hero, right? But that is the reality...good thing every hero has his hero...and i've got mine...:) He alone knows me inside out...accepts me and loves me no matter what...and just like me, most of the time He has always been put into oblivion, together with all His sacrifices and promises...yes, He is my hero but unlike me, He is a real invincible and almighty...Jesus.