ADHD in the HOUSE.

You might have observed that your kid seems to be the most stubborn and restless child in the whole wide world, and you of course have become the most exhausted parent spending her everyday life shouting, cleaning, decluttering and putting everything back to their original place. And that does not include yet the performance of first aid every time an unexpected injury comes up, right?

Then you hear your neighbor exclaims, "Your daughter seems so hyper, does not she?".
 And one of your friends asks, " Is your son an ADHD?". (I still yet to find out since when ADHD has become an adjective).

Alright let us talk about it ~ ADHD ~ but let me use excerpts from Richard S. Kingsley, MD 's review followed by my own observations and notes of Awey's special condition.

ADHD

Attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder

Kids with ADHD act without thinking, are hyperactive, and have trouble focusing. They may understand what's expected of them but have trouble following through because they can't sit still, pay attention, or attend to details.

I first thought that my Awey has ADHD during the days i was teaching him to write. I noticed that he was having difficulties in differentiating n from u, m from w, s from 5 and b from d. 

Now, i know why the first letter he has been able to recognize in the alphabet was 'o', it is the only letter which appears whole and no other detail, and looks the same even if its in upper or lower case, or even if you turn it upside down.

Thinking that my son has the said condition, i searched the internet about it and resolved myself to join my son in his journey through life with ADHD.

I still ain't expert on it and still under ongoing self-training of ADHD parenting, but here is how i have noted and adjusted to my son's condition. :)

Symptoms

ADHD used to be known as attention deficit disorder, or ADD. In 1994, it was renamed ADHD and broken down into three subtypes, each with its own pattern of behaviors:

1. an inattentive type, with signs that include:

• inability to pay attention to details or a tendency to make careless errors in schoolwork or other activities (e.g. Awey knows that 2 x 3 is 6, but he writes the answer as 5)
• difficulty with sustained attention in tasks or play activities (At 11, yes he can already do dish washing but do not expect that he can finish it with in an hour: one plate scrubbed followed by more than 10 minutes of story telling/kick boxing/tumbling~then another plate again. And oh, you know you have a good day if he does not break a glass or a plate while working in it.)
• apparent listening problems (He looks at you while you are talking but right after you stop he will exclaim an amazement over a scene in an anime episode!)
• difficulty following instructions (Send him to buy 3 things from the store and he will be back with just two asking you what is the other one. Hehe.)
• problems with organization (He can determine the answer in a simple math problem by just reading it, but tell him to write down the solution step by step, he will mess it up. Believe me.)
• avoidance or dislike of tasks that require mental effort ( Rather than asking him to read and follow the steps to do a certain origami, just show him how to do it actually and you will save a week in making him do just one design.)
• tendency to lose things like toys, notebooks, or homework (This explains why his cellphone is to be tied in one of his belt loops. He needs at least 3 notebooks per subject per school year not because he loves filling them up with notes but because he tends to lose them often.Tsk.)
• distractibility (He is easily distracted by noise and movements around him.)
• forgetfulness in daily activities (Oh yes, every day routine is never a routine!)

2. a hyperactive-impulsive type, with signs that include:

• fidgeting or squirming (goodness, i hate this on bed or while we are reading together)
• difficulty remaining seated (He does not know the difference between the bed, the sofa and the table so he often misuses one as the other.Ehe.)
• excessive running or climbing
• difficulty playing quietly
• always seeming to be "on the go" (he wakes up at 3:45AM on weekdays, is in school from 6AM to 4PM, working on school activities or projects after school up to midnight and still busy on weekends)
• excessive talking ( Awey loves story telling. He always has something to share with you and he does not seem to get tired of talking!)
• blurting out answers before hearing the full question (Ask his teacher about it and you'll laugh how he does this in class room.)
• difficulty waiting for a turn or in line (he will rather walk the distance rather than waiting for a traffic jam to move)
• problems with interrupting or intruding (Please don't get offended when he does in your conversation or in your room, ok?)

 3. a combined type, which involves a combination of the other two types and is the most common
Although it can be challenging to raise kids with ADHD, it's important to remember they aren't "bad," "acting out," or being difficult on purpose. And they have difficulty controlling their behavior without medication or behavioral therapy.

As we can see Awey has a combined type of ADHD, giving my life combined challenges too! Whew! 

Causes of ADHD

ADHD is not caused by poor parenting, too much sugar, or vaccines.
ADHD has biological origins that aren't yet clearly understood. No single cause has been identified, but researchers are exploring a number of possible genetic and environmental links.

Studies have shown that many kids with ADHD have a close relative who also has the disorder. In my son's case, my brother plays the role, whose daughter also has it. :)  

Learning Disabilities

About half of all kids with ADHD also have a specific learning disability. The most common learning problems are with reading (dyslexia) and handwriting. Although ADHD isn't categorized as a learning disability, its interference with concentration and attention can make it even more difficult for a child to perform well in school.

Good thing that my son, despite having a bad hand writing is a good reader. He has grown up seeing reading as an usual routine for me so he has adapted into it very well. He learns well through reading and therefore performs well in oral exams and is not bad in multiple choice exams. Just do not mention spelling exams ~ filling the blanks goes bad with it too.Haha. Nevertheless, Awey is a consistent honor student since pre-school and is good in English conversations. :)

Treating ADHD

ADHD can't be cured, but it can be successfully managed. Your child's doctor will work with you to develop an individualized, long-term plan. The goal is to help a child learn to control his or her own behavior and to help families create an atmosphere in which this is most likely to happen.

In most cases, ADHD is best treated with a combination of medication and behavior therapy. Any good treatment plan will require close follow-up and monitoring, and your doctor may make adjustments along the way. Because it's important for parents to actively participate in their child's treatment plan, parent education is also considered an important part of ADHD management.

Sometimes the symptoms of ADHD become less severe as a person grows older. Hyperactivity tends to get less as people grow up, although the problems with organization and attention often remain. More than half of kids who have ADHD will continue to have symptoms as young adults.

Behavioral Therapy

Research has shown that medications used to help curb impulsive behavior and attention difficulties are more effective when combined with behavioral therapy.
Behavioral therapy attempts to change behavior patterns by:

• reorganizing a child's home and school environment - this i did by having our house and all the things in it in just 3 shades: Brown (includes beige and khaki), Black and White (includes gray and cream). I also don't have large and big furniture to give him enough space to tumble around with out hitting anything. He has the center of the house, made the most spacious and carpeted just for him and his acrobatic stunts. I chose open shelves rather than drawers for our clothes to give him easy access and easy decision making on what to wear. And i saw to it that the curtains in bed, living and dining area are of different prints, for him to have basis in determining what a certain area is for and therefore does things in their proper places.
• giving clear directions and commands - he said this to me once i got mad when he completed a task but in a wrong manner : "but mom you did not tell me to do it that way, please tell me what exactly you want me to do because i don't have idea".
• setting up a system of consistent rewards for appropriate behaviors and negative consequences for inappropriate ones - he has been raised being always rewarded for doing good and has only been grounded from playing computer games few times, with the usual reason of forgetting to write down his assignment (now he has resolved this by doing his assignments right after his class and before going home,unless he is not sure he can do it alone, wise kid!).

Here are examples of behavioral strategies that may help a child with ADHD:

• Create a routine. Try to follow the same schedule every day, from wake-up time to bedtime. Post the schedule in a prominent place, so your child can see what's expected throughout the day and when it's time for homework, play, and chores. (I don't post daily schedule but i see to it that his routine does not change and monitor it daily. No matter how sick i am, when its time for him to get up and have breakfast i will stand up and prepare for him ~ others call it spoiling but i see it as keeping my son's life in order. The most funny habit that he has established perhaps is that he can not sleep with out drinking milk and he can not drink milk without biscuits to be soaked in it.Hehe.)
• Get organized. Put schoolbags, clothing, and toys in the same place every day so your child will be less likely to lose them. (I do this patiently and strategically. He only has  one place for everything. I have observed so soon that when i relocate any of his things, he'll have a hard time being used to its new location and will still look for them at the place they were previously located. And for his school things i use numbering and color coding method.) 
• Avoid distractions. Turn off the TV, radio, and computer games, especially when your child is doing homework. (This explains why i prefer not to have TV at our home, because that is our place to study, read, talk and listen to each other. And my son, just like me hates noisy places.)
• Limit choices. Offer a choice between two things (this outfit, meal, toy, etc., or that one) so that your child isn't overwhelmed and overstimulated. (As much as possible i just give him 2 options and will usually give him the pros and cons of each, then let him see and suffer the consequences of what he has chosen, more than once he has cried but he learned to be wiser.)
• Change your interactions with your child. Instead of long-winded explanations and cajoling, use clear, brief directions to remind your child of responsibilities.(I still have a long way on this,i am yet to work it out with myself, giving him more responsibilities. I have only given him 3 responsibilities as to date: 1. TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIMSELF, he should not get hungry and thirsty; should not get sick thus should avoid eating junk foods and drinking soft drinks; and should avoid getting injured. 2. TO STUDY RESPONSIBLY, do his assignments and never ever skip class and be tardy; always obey the teachers and do what is required of him. 3. ALWAYS ASK MY PERMISSION on everything because not all that he wants to do he can do and not all that he can do is the right thing to do..
• Use goals and rewards. Use a chart to list goals and track positive behaviors, then reward your child's efforts. Be sure the goals are realistic (think baby steps rather than overnight success).
• Discipline effectively. Instead of yelling or spanking, use timeouts or removal of privileges as consequences for inappropriate behavior. Younger kids may simply need to be distracted or ignored until they display better behavior. (AT 11, Awey has never received any spanking from me, i have never hurt him physically (of course our SLAP FIGHTS which is our favorite bonding moment is exempted from this,hehe) and i firmly believed that it was the reason why he himself never lifts a finger to hurt anybody deliberately. I also do not yell at him nor tell him he is bad. He was brought up being always told that he is the most handsome, smartest and best baby in the world by his mom...and that i know he lives to prove that he is. He knows it when am angry, i don't speak a word, he knows he has done wrong and will ask about it when we are already in bed, that is our time to talk about it and reconcile.)
• Help your child discover a talent. All kids need to experience success to feel good about themselves. Finding out what your child does well — whether it's sports, art, or music — can boost social skills and self-esteem. (This sometimes might be costly and tedious but is worth it and is fun. I have seen my son joining everything ~ from Math to Rizal's life quiz bees, from Editorial Writing to Boy Scout Patrol Leading, from Chess to Shirt-Dying contests, and i myself enjoyed being with him in preparations and celebrations after. Having us, parents believing in them gives them the best encouragement for each of their challenges, that i am sure now.)
  

  ADHD in the Classroom

  As your child's most important advocate, you should become familiar with your child's medical, legal, and educational rights. (I remember i almost got a preparatory school teacher kicked out of school after he called my son a 'liar" in front of the class and made him cry. I don't call my son names, especially those describe bad attitudes, such as liar, hard headed, etc. I only use positive words on him and i feel bad if i hear others calling him with those bad words.) Kids with ADHD are eligible for special services or accommodations at school under the Individuals with Disabilities in Education Act (IDEA) and an anti-discrimination law known as Section 504. Keep in touch with teachers and school officials to monitor your child's progress. (Having his teachers as my regular text mates is beneficial, i can ask about a project, an assignment, and schedules. I also has the habit of writing to his teachers about his assignments which have been given wrong answers and anything that Awey says his teacher can not answer. I talk to his class advisers and let them know that my son has ADHD and therefore will tend to be restless and will not focus, and will give hundreds of questions. I ask them to just give answers no matter what.) In addition to using routines and a clear system of rewards, here are some other tips to share with teachers for classroom success:
  
• Reduce seating distractions. Lessening distractions might be as simple as seating your child near the teacher instead of near the window. (I agree this is effective, Awey has been put right infront of his teacher's table and the teacher said he behaved better.)
• Use a homework folder for parent-teacher communications. The teacher can include assignments and progress notes, and you can check to make sure all work is completed on time.
• Break down assignments. Keep instructions clear and brief, breaking down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces.
• Give positive reinforcement. Always be on the lookout for positive behaviors. Ask the teacher to offer praise when your child stays seated, doesn't call out, or waits his or her turn instead of criticizing when he or she doesn't. (This though, i believed requires blessedness to be able to find a teacher that can do sincerely.)
• Teach good study skills. Underlining, note taking, and reading out loud can help your child stay focused and retain information.
• Supervise. Check that your child goes and comes from school with the correct books and materials. Sometimes kids are paired with a buddy to can help them stay on track.
• Be sensitive to self-esteem issues. Ask the teacher to provide feedback to your child in private, and avoid asking your child to perform a task in public that might be too difficult.
• Involve the school counselor or psychologist. He or she can help design behavioral programs to address specific problems in the classroom.

Helping Your Child

You're a stronger advocate for your child when you foster good partnerships with everyone involved in your child's treatment — that includes teachers, doctors, therapists, and even other family members. Take advantage of all the support and education that's available, and you'll help your child navigate toward success.

And i will always say it over and over again, parenting is all about being always THERE, making your presence remarkably noticeable in every aspect of their lives ~ yes, i understand this is not easy in today's economy and specially for single parents like me ~ but we should realize too that when we became parents our children have become the most important part of our lives, thus if they get into trouble so do we, if their lives become miserable so do ours.

As somebody said this, i believe so:
"The end product of parenting is not the children but the parents themselves".

We might sometimes need to give up some of our  personal happiness but that is the essence of having children ~ sacrifice. Even God, Himself did it on the cross, gave up His most precious Jesus for you and me ~ His children.

Parenting is a responsibility given to us by God to raise and nurture a person, and guide them to be what God wants them to be.

 Thus raising a child with ADHD is a double responsibility and will surely receive double provisions and blessings from Him, so stand strong and be thankful. :)

My prayer for my son has always been like this :

Lord i thank you for entrusting the life of this child to me, You know that i can never raise him alone with out You. I declare and will forever confess that he is Jesus-protected, and with that i will always be at peace. I won't worry on how he will be in the future for You have taken care of that thing in my life, just help me give him all the love  and care that he needs. Most of all, let me be able to make him know You as You are. In Jesus' name. Amen. 

Acknowledgement:
Non-italicized texts are from: 
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/learning/adhd.html#
A review made by:Richard S. Kingsley, MD